


You Left Me All Alone!

by HxneyBxx



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Breaking, Crying, Emily is broken, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Nightmares, Screaming, Sex, Sleepy Cuddles, Triggers, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24679705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HxneyBxx/pseuds/HxneyBxx
Summary: The story revolves around the time when Emily was sent to France after Doyle "killed" her. Months pass by and suddenly Hotch hears a knock on his door. He's shocked when the person he meets on the other side of the door is no other than Emily Prentiss. But she's not the same Emily he knew from before.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Emily

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you like the story. I'll try to update as soon as possible, but I think it will have around 3-5 chapters in total. Who knows though, it may end up longer than planned...
> 
> "Mature" part will come later!

It was late, somewhere past 2AM. Jack was staying at a friend’s house, which meant Hotch was all alone. It was one of those nights where sadness, pain and regret was everything he felt, so he had poured some whiskey for himself. He didn’t drink much before, but after Emily’s “death” and her leaving the country, alcohol seemed to be the only thing that somehow, somewhat managed to help his feelings blur away. 

It all started when Reid and Emily got trapped by Cyrus. When Emily saved Reid from the confession of being a fed. When Hotch heard her get beat up. It pained him more than he had expected and that’s when he realised it: he had feelings for Emily. He wanted to keep her safe, he wanted to save her. Each thud, hit, grunt and groan felt like a knife stab to his chest. When he finally saw Emily walk out of that house he wanted to run up to her, hug her and never let her go. But of course he couldn’t.

At that exact moment though, he noticed something. Emily saw Hotch waiting for her. And in her eyes reflected the same feelings. Her eyes begged for Hotch to hug her, they wanted him and only him. But of course she couldn’t have that. So she played it off casual and hugged Reid instead, being very relieved he was safe. But that day...both Hotch and Emily discovered their feelings for each other. 

They were aware their job was stopping them from love. From getting what they ached for so much. They knew they could never have the perfect relationship with each other. But there were a few times when their feelings were so strong that nothing, not even the gods above, could’ve stopped them. And it all started with a kiss. 

It was a difficult case and they were dead exhausted when they finally caught the unsub. Hotch suggested to drop Emily home and to everyone’s surprise she didn’t refuse the offer. Hotch even got to carry Emily’s go-bag to her apartment. And once they were inside, once Hotch placed the bag away...he looked at her tired eyes. Her beautiful dark brown eyes that he never got tired of looking into- it felt like they consumed him whole. Her beautiful shiny brown hair that he had always wanted to touch. Her soft skin that he got to feel from to time, like when she handed him something and their hands touched. He wanted to feel her from everywhere. He wanted to feel their skins touch everywhere. He wanted her. And as his thoughts started running wild, so did his body. He had slowly, to make sure and to give Emily time to refuse, leaned into her. And then their lips touched. 

To his surprise Emily didn’t pull away. She had even closed eyes after Hotch did too. It was only for a few seconds, but it felt like many years had gone by. Like time didn’t even exist. It felt so amazing, so perfect. Hotch didn’t want to let go, but he knew he had to. “I’m sorry” he whispered as he slowly pulled away, blinking towards Emily. “We shouldn’t do this” she agreed, even though it also pained her. She had wanted more! But of course, they shouldn’t do this. 

Next time it was more than a kiss. It was after they had gone drinking with the team and once it was getting too late Hotch suggested to take Emily home. They ended up having sex. Hot, heated, desperate sex. 

Hotch was gone by the morning and they never spoke about it. They knew they had crossed the line. Their feelings were starting to get out of hand and Hotch didn’t want to risk their jobs with it, especially Emily’s. He knew how much her job meant to her and he loved her too much to even think about ruining her life. 

Time passed, but their feelings stayed the same. Then the Doyle thing happened.

It wasn’t fair and he knew it. It haunted him days and nights. 

Emily had died, literally died for a short period of time! And then she was forced to leave. How could’ve he allowed that? After going through such a traumatizing thing Emily was forced to leave abroad, all by herself. She didn’t have anyone anymore! What the hell was Hotch was thinking when he gave her her fake passport and a plane ticket to France?? “Sorry, I know you had a horrible death experience, but here’s your ticket to France, have fun hiding yourself and surviving on your own!”. He couldn't help but imagine her having nightmares everyday, seeing Doyle in her dreams, maybe also Declan. He knew how much she loved him.

It pained him, every single day. He felt so alone, so empty and depressed without Emily. She made his life feel whole. Even Jack liked her. They could’ve been a family…

Hotch was so deep in his dark thoughts that he didn’t hear the first three knocks that came from his door. When someone knocked once more Hotch was finally snapped back into reality. Knocking. Knocking? Hotch looked at the time, it was 2:36AM. Who could it have been at a time like that? Hotch was very hyper and collected, even with the whiskey he had consumed. He grabbed his gun from a nearby drawer and made his way silently to the door, gun ready to be fired at any second. 

He looked through the peephole and what he saw shocked him so much that his both arms felt numbly to his sides, before one of them was forced to unlock the door and open it, other placed the gun away. His mind went blank, his body started slightly shaking from the shock, from too many emotions happening at once. He wanted to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time. The person who was standing on the other side of the door was Emily. 

“Emily” Hotch breathed out loud in a heavy voice, not believing what he saw. Was this real? It must’ve been, because there’s no way his mind would’ve ever imagined Emily like this. She looked thin, very thin. Her black shirt revealed her collarbones, that were sticking out too much. Her shirt and black jeans also looked too small. Her whole body looked too small, she looked like she had dropped at least two sizes. It scared Hotch to see her like that. But what scared him the most were her eyes. They looked exhausted, almost emotionless. It’s like someone had sucked the life out of them. Her hair though was the opposite. It was long, twice as long as it used to be. And it was a shade lighter. Hotch assumed she didn’t really want to go all blonde, but her raven color was too obvious. So coloring it a shade lighter was the best option. 

Emily looked very pale and had dark circles under her eyes. Hotch felt like she could collapse any second. 

“What are you doing here?” Hotch finally managed to form his first question after a good amount of silence had passed by. He didn't even know what to ask. Emily was supposed to be far away!...And yet, she was here, in front of him.

Emily had a sad look in her eyes when she looked at Hotch. She felt the smell of alcohol in Hotch’s breath, but she didn’t say anything about it. To be honest, she had also started to drink to numb her emotions and feelings. 

“I-” Emily started saying, her voice low and rusty. The usual happiness and excitement was far away gone. As she was about to continue her legs suddenly gave in and her body collapsed. “Emily!” Hotch yelled, but before she was about to hit the ground he had managed to catch her by wrapping his arms around her. It felt like he could’ve wrapped his arms twice around her small waist. It felt she wasn’t even there. 

“Emily! Are you okay?” he asked in panic and worry. But to his relief Emily was conscious and nodded her head against Hotch’s shoulder. “Yes. I’m just...a little tired” she spoke quietly. A little tired? Hotch couldn’t believe it. Even after everything she had been through she still had the energy to be stubborn. She must’ve been exhausted!

Hotch picked her up bridal style, closed the door and carried her to his couch, where he then placed her down in a half-lying position, but Emily forced herself up into a complete sitting position. She had a tense vibe around her, her lips in a tight straight line. 

“Are you-” Hotch started to say but suddenly he was interrupted, and quite sharply too. 

“No!” Emily said in a loud voice, her voice breaking midway. Despite her weak body she still managed to take hold of Hotch’s gray shirt and pull him next to her. But she didn’t let go, instead she also used her other hand to do the same. Her hands were in fists. 

“No! I’m not fine!” Emily was crying now. She was crying angry tears, tears which were filled with pain, a lot of pain. 

“Emily…” Hotch whispered, being surprised by this all, he wanted to hug her but then she started to gently hit her fists against his chest. 

“You sent me away!” she screamed in a sad voice which made Hotch’s heart break into millions of pieces. 

“You just let me go! You didn’t care about me! I was all alone! YOU left me all alone!” her punches started to become more and more stronger, but her body had got very weak from her previous state. Her strength was nothing now and Hotch didn’t feel any pain, but the scene hurt him. He wanted to interfere, he wanted to stop her. He wanted to hug her, prove her wrong. But he knew she had to let it all out. She must’ve kept all her feelings bottled up until now. She was in far more pain than he had ever been. 

“Every single night I had nightmares! I woke up screaming, covered in sweat. I was all alone! I thought with time they’d be less realistic and wouldn’t appear so much. But I was wrong! At some point it was all too much! I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want anything, except…” Emily’s punches started to calm down until they finally stopped. “Except be in your arms. I wanted to hear you say it will all be okay. I needed you, Aaron!!” Emily then leaned into his shirt and started crying even more now. Hotch could feel his shirt get wet within minutes. 

Knowing Emily was done punching he was finally able to wrap his arms around her. He was finally able to embrace her, feel her next to him! Know she was alive! “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Emily” Hotch spoke and hugged her a bit tighter. He felt so much pain in his chest that it felt like he could explode. 

“I was so tired. I wanted it all to stop!” Emily mumbled into his shirt. “So I started drinking...”

Hotch sighed quietly. He wasn't the only one who had fallen down that hole. 

“Then...I couldn’t handle it anymore” Emily slowly pushed herself away from Hotch’s chest. Her head was spinning so bad she wasn’t sure for how long she’d be conscious. But she kept going. “I didn’t have any money for weeks. I stayed in some cheap motel. So I called JJ, asking for a favor. I needed a plane ticket.”. Emily took a deep breath. “I landed two hours ago and came straight here.”

Hotch looked at Emily and gently wiped her tears away. Oh god. Hotch could’ve never imagined Emily going through that much. He felt so bad, so sorry. He wanted to cry himself, but he didn’t. Now he was the one who was keeping it all inside. 

“Emily” Hotch hugged Emily, but this time he was more gentle. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have ever sent you away like that.” he whispered, his voice breaking now too. He knew Emily didn’t want Hotch to feel sorry about her. She was still the same Emily. So he changed the subject a bit. “You’re safe now.”. Emily started quietly sobbing again. “I’ll keep you safe. I’ll always be with you from now on.” he promised her. From that moment he promised he’d never ever let go of her.


	2. I love you

At some point the sobbing had stopped and Hotch realized Emily had cried herself to sleep. She must’ve been at her limit with her energy, it was a miracle she managed to hold on for this long. He didn’t dare to wake her up though. She must’ve barely slept and ate in the past weeks, so she needed some rest. That’s why Hotch decided to only lean back into a half sitting position, so Emily would be in a more comfortable position laying on his chest. He was scared to move her to his bed, he didn’t want to risk it. She looked so peaceful though, like a little innocent child. He wanted to hold her like this forever, keep her safe and let nothing bad get near her ever again.

It was probably the most peaceful sleep Emily had got in months. She didn’t even see any nightmares, which was a big relief and when she woke up she noticed she wasn’t in her cheap motel, but instead on a surface that slowly moved up and down. Emily raised her head and noticed she was laying on Hotch’s chest. Hotch himself was awake already, it was past midday. He was caressing Emily’s hair and it took her a moment to realize that. It felt so nice that she laid her head back down and took couple more minutes to just take it all in- the nice sun that was shining through the window, Hotch’s warm and comforting body and his gentle hand in her hair. Was it all really over now? Her running away, her nightmares, alcohol, stress, everything... Was she really safe now?

“You should have a shower while I’ll make some breakfast. How does that sound?” Hotch asked in a tired husky voice. Half of his body was numb from the unusual sleeping position, but he didn’t care when it was all for Emily. She nodded and slowly got up. While she went to grab a glass of water Hotch had found his smallest shirt and sweatpants for her. 

“Mmm, it smells so nice!” Emily commented once she was back from the shower. Her hair was still a bit wet and left couple water drops on Hotch’s gray shirt. He had to admit, she looked more alive today, and both hot and cute in his clothes- he definitely adored that view. 

“Wasn’t sure what you really wanted to eat so I made some omelette and cut some vegetables to the side. And I also made pancakes and prepared some berries.” Hotch explained as he was setting everything onto the table. There was a separate plate for cut vegetables and a bowl for some strawberries and raspberries. It all looked super good. 

“Thank you” Emily said before taking a piece from the omelette. When was the last time she had a normal breakfast? Gosh it tasted so good. “I totally forgot how well you can cook” she commented with a smile, before she ended up eating everything Hotch had made. Secretly, somewhere deep-deep inside she wished she could eat Hotch’s food everyday. And even deeper...she wished she could live with him like that. Wake up next to him, eat breakfast together and just be together.

“I’m so sorry about yesterday. For just appearing out of nowhere at almost 3am” Emily suddenly apologized, holding a hot cup of tea between her hands. They had moved back to the couch now and had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

Hotch shook his head. “Em, what are you apologizing for? I should be the one who to apologize, for sending you away like that. I’m sorry you had to go through it all, by yourself” he took the mug from her hands and placed it onto the coffee table. Then he took her small hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I promise I’ll be with you from now on, at all times.”. Emily looked deep into his dark eyes. She had missed them so much. She missed the loving look that always faced her, it was so comforting. So sweet. So loving. 

The tension that was between months ago never left, and right now it was stronger than ever. So Hotch finally gave into it all, letting go one of her hands and taking hold of her cheek, slowly pulling her closer until their lips touched. 

It still wasn’t clear if Emily dreamed this moment to life, but there was raw emotion in the way his fingers curled around hers. She parted her lips and felt him washing over like a wave of warmth as his tongue conquered the depths of her mouth, hungry, consuming, pulling her into the warmth of him as if he mastered the balance of gravity. She wanted more but her lungs were about to explode- she had to pull back. And it felt like the air between them turned into ice, cold and empty. But their eyes were still focused on one another and Hotch never let go of her. 

“I love you” he spoke quietly, as if he was scared Emily could disappear any moment. Or that he’d wake up any second and it was all just a dream. He was scared, terrified. But to his surprise, to his relief, it was all reality. 

“I love you too” Emily whispered back, gently caressing his hand to let him know she was here, right next to him and she wouldn’t leave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute little kissie moment :33


	3. Nightmare

The rest of the day passed by casually. Emily called JJ and asked to meet up with her tomorrow. They had some talking to do, plus Emily also needed to buy clothes, shampoo, make-up stuff and much more, so it was a perfect opportunity to get everything done at once. After JJ’s call followed a few more calls, where she had to announce her appearance and her request to come back into the BAU, although she didn’t want to come back right away. Actually Hotch wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for her to come back at all, but she explained how BAU was her home and family and there’s no other place she wished to work at. Even after everything she had gone through she wished to return back.

JJ and Hotch were the only ones who knew about her coming back to the country and she wished to keep it that way. She still needed time to recover and there’s no way she wished to meet the rest of the team looking like she currently did, her emotions and feelings all over the place too. But she did miss everyone so much! She couldn’t wait to joke around with Morgan, play with Reid, gossip with Garcia and have interesting discussions with Rossi. She loved everyone so much and each one of them was awfully special to her- but as she had mentioned to Hotch, she needed a bit of time before getting back to her old life. 

Before they knew it it was already dark and both Hotch and Emily were quite exhausted. Emily offered to sleep on the couch tonight, so Hotch could get some normal rest on his own bed. But he refused. 

“Why don’t be both sleep on my bed?” he asked, holding an extra blanket and pillow in his hands. 

Emily sighed,”If we do...it will happen again and again. We can’t. We can’t do this. If we do, then we won’t be able to work together again”. She wanted so bad to sleep next to him! God, it was driving her insane! But she didn’t want to risk their jobs- it was the same game all over again. It all came to either their love life or their jobs. 

“I want you, Em. I need you!” Hotch placed down the blanket and pillow and took hold of her hands. “We will make it work. Once you’ll come back, let's talk to Strauss. And...” he sighed. What he was about to say, it wasn’t going to be easy. But he wanted Emily more than anything. “And if she won’t agree with this, then I’ll resign.”.

Emily’s eyes widened from the sudden shock. “What?” her hands tensed in his, “Aaron, no! You can’t do that! The BAU means so much to you, you can’t just throw it away for me”. 

“For us. And yes I can. When you were gone...I realized I’d throw everything away just to have you next to me. Emily, you are my everything! You’re more than the BAU, you’re more than my unit chief position. You’re more than anything I have.”

Emily was shaking her head. Despite those words making her heart melt they also hurt her. Hotch was willing to throw everything away just to be with her. Could she really let it all happen? “Aaron” she whispered with a sad frown. 

“Emily...Please let me have you. Please stay with me. We both know what we want, so why let it all stop us?”

Emily sighed, she had to admit: Hotch was right. Their love for each other...they both ached for it like crazy! Why should they let it go, again? She couldn’t do the same mistake...she couldn’t lose him again. 

“Aaron” she let go of his hands and instead caressed his cheeks. Licking her lips she continued:”We will make it work”. And then she pulled him lower while getting on her tiptoes and she crashed her lips into his, letting them have a hot passionate kiss and just enjoy the moment while they were at it. Once they were desperate for air they pulled back and both of them agreed to sleep on the same bed now. 

Hotch gave Emily his basic black shirt and she used it as an oversized nightgown- cute and comfy and what most of all, Hotch loved seeing her in his clothes. Getting under the covers they both snuggled closer, but not too much. They had never slept like that before. Before it all it was only a one time sex and Hotch was gone by the morning, so this right here was something quite new for both of them. 

The night passed by quite quietly, until Hotch woke up to a high pitched scream and a hard punch to his stomach, which caused air to be pushed out of his lungs. What the fuck? What was going on? Hotch was quite lost and confused at first, until he heard Emily’s voice. 

“No! No-no!! Stop! S-stop, please!” Emily yelled in fear and pain, her arms aggressively swinging everywhere, hitting everything that got in their way. And due to Hotch laying next to her he got hit once again. It wasn’t only screaming and punching, but also panting, crying and soon she even jerked up, getting more wild. Emily was having a nightmare, and a bad one. Were all her nights like this?

Hotch quickly turned on the night lamp and gently grabbed her hands, to stop them from hitting everything, including himself. Her punch had actually hurt a lot! Seemed like her emotions gave her extra strength to fight back whatever she was witnessing.

“Em. Emily, sweetie. It’s Aaron” Hotch spoke in a calm voice, trying to wake her up. Her hands slowed down and her eyes flung open. She was quite confused at first about her surroundings and why Hotch was restricting her movements, but soon it all hit her. She was covered in sweat, her hair was attached to her face and her body was shaking now.

“I’m right here,” Hotch pulled her into a hug, “you’re safe. Don’t worry. Just take a couple of deep breaths, okay?”. Emily nodded and tried to take a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, but instead she started to cry more. Hotch understood it from her body, when the shaking had intensified. “Shhh, everything is okay. It was just a nightmare. I’m right here, you’re not alone” he spoke, his voice sad. Hotch didn’t dare to let go of her. Instead he started to rub her back in a soothing motion and gently rocked her back and forth, trying to relax her shaking body. If only he had not let it happen in the first place, Emily would’ve been over by the nightmares by now. 

Having sat in the same position for at least ten minutes Emily had finally calmed down and she slowly pulled away from Hotch. He looked at her and wiped away the remaining tears, before removing some of the hair strands from her face. His hand then took hold of hers. “Do you want some water?” he asked in a concerned voice before he noticed how red Emily’s face was, her cheeks dark pink and her eyes all puffy. 

“No, thank you. I’m sorry I woke you up” Emily replied with a slow head shake.

“Was it about…” Hotch wanted to ask, but he wasn’t sure anymore what her nightmares were about. She had been through so damn much that it could’ve been about anything!

“Doyle” she mumbled quietly, her gaze on her fingers that kept fidgeting in his. “It’s always him I see. His face, his hands, him branding me…” she licked her lips nervously, ”him stabbing me, him…” she couldn’t take it anymore. Although she really wished to get it off her shoulders. Even a deep relaxing breath couldn’t stop the tears starting to fall again. “Him killing Declan! Him killing you! Him taking everything from me!!”. Hotch embraced her once again, whispering softly into her ear:”Declan is safe, you know it. You’re safe. I’m safe. Everyone is safe. It’s all okay. He won’t get you again. I promise.”.

Emily nodded into his shirt, trusting what he was saying. She felt like all her life depended on Hotch now and she hated it so much! What happened to the confident, collected Emily? The old Emily who could take care of herself? Who could keep her emotions and fear in check?

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry for being so weak” she whispered in a shaky voice, fighting the urge to cry again. She was so tired of it…

“Emily” Hotch pulled back and gently cupped her face. “You are the strongest woman I have ever met! Don’t you dare say that ever again, that you’re weak. What you went through is all my fault, but you’re back and you’re alive and that’s all that matters. We’ll fight through it together. You hear me?” he kissed her forehead before planting a soft, reassuring kiss onto her trembling lips. 

“You are one hell of a badass woman, Emily Prentiss! And I’ll make sure to remind you that every day”. 

Emily let out a soft giggle, although it was awfully quiet and didn’t sound as happy as it should’ve been. But Hotch was relieved to see her doing a bit better than a minute ago. “Thank you. You always manage to cheer me up” she smiled at him tirely. The nightmare and the crying had tired her out a lot. Her puffy eyes started to feel heavy and Hotch could see it from her slow blinking, her trying to stay awake.

“Here, let’s go back to sleep. Everything will be okay” Hotch spoke before pulling Emily into another embrace and then laying down, her on his chest. 

“I promise nothing will happen. I will be here when you’ll wake up” he whispered and started caressing her hair. It was so unusual to see Emily with longer hair, but he was slowly starting to get used to it. 

“Thank you. Really, thank you so much for everything” Emily spoke, but didn’t look at Hotch. She was too tired to raise her head. “I love you, Aaron” her voice barely audible. She loved laying on his broad chest. It was warm and comforting, not to mention fit too. And his big arms around her small body made her feel always safe, even in a basic bed with no danger in sight. And the way he caressed her hair, carefully, slowly, like she was made out of glass and a single wrong move could break her. It didn’t take her even half a minute before sleep took her with no warning. Her breathing quickly slowing down and falling into a relaxed rhythm. 

“I love you too, Emily” Hotch replied and continued to caress her. He wished she could be this peaceful at all times, with no worry in sight. Even after she fell asleep he had to make sure she didn’t have any more nightmares and stayed awake till the very morning. It was a few minutes before Emily woke up that he himself drifted off, his own energy finally running out and he didn’t even realize it when he was completely out, Emily tightly between his arms.


End file.
